I probably don't have to tell you how difficult it is to follow the no contact rule after your break up. Even though you know that the no contact rule requires you to avoid any sort of contact with your ex for an extended period of time, you'll looking for a way around this vile rule. You wish that there was a way to say some magic words and have your ex decide in a moment's time that they love you and want to get back together. Unfortunately, this rarely happens and the no contact rule in some form is often necessary before a reunion is possible.
You understand the logic behind the no contact rule somewhat but, on the other hand, you wish there was an easier way that made more sense to you. You want to tell your ex that you love them. What if they doubt that you still love them and decide that you don't care anymore and decide to start dating someone else? How is neglecting your ex going to help you to win them back? All you know is that you're miserable and every day you struggle to keep from contacting your ex.
While it can be difficult to follow the no contact rule, you should know that there is some logic in it. Some relationship experts swear by the no contact rule and they have no wiggle room for breaking the no contact rule. Personally, I think that it's a good move for both you and your ex to avoid talking to each other for a while because emotions after a breakup can run rather high. Both of you need the opportunity to let the dust settle and for your lives to regain some sort of normalcy without a whole lot of drama. This time apart can actually help you and your chances of getting your ex back but it shouldn't be a hard and fast rule like many people make it out to be.
You see, after a breakup what normally happens is that the person who has been dumped goes overboard with their attempts to win back their ex. They try to do everything perfectly. They want to fix the relationship. The might ask their partner to talk things through and they will change everything that their partner says was a problem in the relationship. They might even try to become the perfect partner by giving their ex everything that someone might want. They'll send their partner gifts and write them wonderful love letters and make changes in their life that they might have been unwilling to make before. The problem with all of this is that your ex didn't make their decision to leave in the end based upon what you said or did. They made their decision ultimately based upon how they felt. This means that there is no desire to work on the relationship and until there is, any attempts to fix the relationship are not only futile but they very well might annoy your ex to the point that you will be literally pushing them away. You need to make your ex want to get back together with you before your ex is even going to see the changes that you have made in your life.
The no contact rule, in essence, erases some of the effects of your breakup. Time is a great healer and in a short amount of time your ex might soften and forget about some of the reasons why they left you. In the meantime, you should be taking advantage of this time apart to make your life one that anyone would want to be a part of. This means changing things that need to be changed in your life and regaining some of your self-confidence in yourself and your relationship. This also means that you need to change, in your mind, how you think you're going to get your ex back. If you fall back into those old patterns of behavior and try to convince your ex to come back to you they will flee from you once again.
Just remember that the no contact rule is just as much for you as it is for your ex. Even thought they said that they don't want to see you anymore, not seeing your ex works in your favor. Your days should be filled with self improvement and learning about what you need to do and say to get your ex back. Getting your ex back is about how your ex perceives you and thinks about when they see you. It's not about convincing someone that once thought that you were the most wonderful person in the world to take you back. They already love you. Deep down inside they do. You just need to learn how to bring that out in them again without triggering those negative emotions from your breakup.
You understand the logic behind the no contact rule somewhat but, on the other hand, you wish there was an easier way that made more sense to you. You want to tell your ex that you love them. What if they doubt that you still love them and decide that you don't care anymore and decide to start dating someone else? How is neglecting your ex going to help you to win them back? All you know is that you're miserable and every day you struggle to keep from contacting your ex.
While it can be difficult to follow the no contact rule, you should know that there is some logic in it. Some relationship experts swear by the no contact rule and they have no wiggle room for breaking the no contact rule. Personally, I think that it's a good move for both you and your ex to avoid talking to each other for a while because emotions after a breakup can run rather high. Both of you need the opportunity to let the dust settle and for your lives to regain some sort of normalcy without a whole lot of drama. This time apart can actually help you and your chances of getting your ex back but it shouldn't be a hard and fast rule like many people make it out to be.
You see, after a breakup what normally happens is that the person who has been dumped goes overboard with their attempts to win back their ex. They try to do everything perfectly. They want to fix the relationship. The might ask their partner to talk things through and they will change everything that their partner says was a problem in the relationship. They might even try to become the perfect partner by giving their ex everything that someone might want. They'll send their partner gifts and write them wonderful love letters and make changes in their life that they might have been unwilling to make before. The problem with all of this is that your ex didn't make their decision to leave in the end based upon what you said or did. They made their decision ultimately based upon how they felt. This means that there is no desire to work on the relationship and until there is, any attempts to fix the relationship are not only futile but they very well might annoy your ex to the point that you will be literally pushing them away. You need to make your ex want to get back together with you before your ex is even going to see the changes that you have made in your life.
The no contact rule, in essence, erases some of the effects of your breakup. Time is a great healer and in a short amount of time your ex might soften and forget about some of the reasons why they left you. In the meantime, you should be taking advantage of this time apart to make your life one that anyone would want to be a part of. This means changing things that need to be changed in your life and regaining some of your self-confidence in yourself and your relationship. This also means that you need to change, in your mind, how you think you're going to get your ex back. If you fall back into those old patterns of behavior and try to convince your ex to come back to you they will flee from you once again.
Just remember that the no contact rule is just as much for you as it is for your ex. Even thought they said that they don't want to see you anymore, not seeing your ex works in your favor. Your days should be filled with self improvement and learning about what you need to do and say to get your ex back. Getting your ex back is about how your ex perceives you and thinks about when they see you. It's not about convincing someone that once thought that you were the most wonderful person in the world to take you back. They already love you. Deep down inside they do. You just need to learn how to bring that out in them again without triggering those negative emotions from your breakup.
About the Author:
Learn about getting your ex back using the Ex2 System. Discover the secrets to using the methods taught by Matt Huston in this blog
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