What should you do and what shouldn't you do after the breakup? Your ex was a part of your life. He was your best friend, your confidante and your lover. Now he's gone and it's only natural that you should miss him after the breakup. After all, if you didn't miss him then there might be some question of whether you really loved him at all, right?
You miss the interaction that you once had. You miss talking with him about the good things and the bad things that happen in your day. You miss knowing what's going on in his life and what he is thinking and feeling. Every moment of every day apart you want to call him or reach out to him in some way but you just don't know what to say. You don't know what to do to bring that connection alive again and you're afraid. You don't want to push him away and you are at a loss for what to do next to bring him back to you.
Even though you want to pick up that phone or talk to him, right now both of you might need your space. It can be painful to not talk to him and every moment you feel the torture of missing him. You might even tell yourself that if you don't call him that he will think that you don't care. You will convince yourself that contacting him and telling him that you still love him is necessary. You think that if you don't reach out to him, he will think that you have forgotten about him and take this as a sign that it's ok for him to move on as well.
There are tricks to avoiding contacting him when you really want to. Knowing in your heart and thinking things out in your mind can help avoid that temptation. Knowing that you're probably not quite ready yet can help. You aren't really sure of what to say and you probably don't have the confidence to deal with any more setbacks. After all, how would you feel if he rejected you again or said something mean? What if he didn't answer at all or if you have to leave a voicemail? Your mind will only run wild as you try to figure out what is going on in his life. You'll feel the need for an answer and you'll only be tempted to make more deals with yourself as you search for an answer to what is going on in his life.
Put it off until tomorrow and tomorrow you'll put it off for another day. Make yourself a good healthy meal or go for a walk someplace that is pleasant for you. Maybe you can plan a trip for when you actually do get him back and spend some time thinking positive thoughts and dreaming about the day when you do get him back. Visit some friends or go shopping with a girlfriend. Whatever you do, avoid self destructive behavior like staying up too late or going out to the bar for a few drinks. As tempting as that might seem, alcohol can weaken your resistance and make you more likely to break down and call him.
If you wonder how long you should avoid this temptation, the rule generally is to avoid talking to your ex until you feel that you can handle his rejection without falling apart. Once you don't feel that urge or need to call him then you are getting better and you can start thinking about getting back in contact with him. Once the pressure is off and you don't feel like your entire future hangs in the balance of getting him back then it is time to start thinking about what to say to him to get him back. Having this kind of outlook or attitude will help you in many ways. You will no longer be coming across as desperate or needy.
This is why you need to take some time before you try to get him back. Heal your heart and begin to have some respect for yourself. Treat yourself kindly and start doing things for yourself. You might not realize how far down you have gone until you start to climb back up. There is no shame in this. The person that you trusted the most has rejected you and you will have a lot of feelings to work through after this kind of hit to your ego. Getting yourself back and making yourself the best you can be is a necessary step in getting your boyfriend back.
I know that you probably don't see much of this right now because you're in the middle of your breakup. You are probably focusing on what you did wrong and what you can do to fix things but often breakups are in part caused by a naturally occurring imbalance in the relationship. You tried so hard to make things right and as a result your ex rejected you even further. It's a vicious cycle and one that is difficult to break but knowing that this is a problem can help you to get back on track more quickly. It's going to be tough to do the work necessary to win him back but once you understand how guys think and what you can do to bring that attraction back in your relationship you hold a very good chance of getting your boyfriend back.
You miss the interaction that you once had. You miss talking with him about the good things and the bad things that happen in your day. You miss knowing what's going on in his life and what he is thinking and feeling. Every moment of every day apart you want to call him or reach out to him in some way but you just don't know what to say. You don't know what to do to bring that connection alive again and you're afraid. You don't want to push him away and you are at a loss for what to do next to bring him back to you.
Even though you want to pick up that phone or talk to him, right now both of you might need your space. It can be painful to not talk to him and every moment you feel the torture of missing him. You might even tell yourself that if you don't call him that he will think that you don't care. You will convince yourself that contacting him and telling him that you still love him is necessary. You think that if you don't reach out to him, he will think that you have forgotten about him and take this as a sign that it's ok for him to move on as well.
There are tricks to avoiding contacting him when you really want to. Knowing in your heart and thinking things out in your mind can help avoid that temptation. Knowing that you're probably not quite ready yet can help. You aren't really sure of what to say and you probably don't have the confidence to deal with any more setbacks. After all, how would you feel if he rejected you again or said something mean? What if he didn't answer at all or if you have to leave a voicemail? Your mind will only run wild as you try to figure out what is going on in his life. You'll feel the need for an answer and you'll only be tempted to make more deals with yourself as you search for an answer to what is going on in his life.
Put it off until tomorrow and tomorrow you'll put it off for another day. Make yourself a good healthy meal or go for a walk someplace that is pleasant for you. Maybe you can plan a trip for when you actually do get him back and spend some time thinking positive thoughts and dreaming about the day when you do get him back. Visit some friends or go shopping with a girlfriend. Whatever you do, avoid self destructive behavior like staying up too late or going out to the bar for a few drinks. As tempting as that might seem, alcohol can weaken your resistance and make you more likely to break down and call him.
If you wonder how long you should avoid this temptation, the rule generally is to avoid talking to your ex until you feel that you can handle his rejection without falling apart. Once you don't feel that urge or need to call him then you are getting better and you can start thinking about getting back in contact with him. Once the pressure is off and you don't feel like your entire future hangs in the balance of getting him back then it is time to start thinking about what to say to him to get him back. Having this kind of outlook or attitude will help you in many ways. You will no longer be coming across as desperate or needy.
This is why you need to take some time before you try to get him back. Heal your heart and begin to have some respect for yourself. Treat yourself kindly and start doing things for yourself. You might not realize how far down you have gone until you start to climb back up. There is no shame in this. The person that you trusted the most has rejected you and you will have a lot of feelings to work through after this kind of hit to your ego. Getting yourself back and making yourself the best you can be is a necessary step in getting your boyfriend back.
I know that you probably don't see much of this right now because you're in the middle of your breakup. You are probably focusing on what you did wrong and what you can do to fix things but often breakups are in part caused by a naturally occurring imbalance in the relationship. You tried so hard to make things right and as a result your ex rejected you even further. It's a vicious cycle and one that is difficult to break but knowing that this is a problem can help you to get back on track more quickly. It's going to be tough to do the work necessary to win him back but once you understand how guys think and what you can do to bring that attraction back in your relationship you hold a very good chance of getting your boyfriend back.
About the Author:
To learn more about male psychology we suggest Get Him Back Forever by Matt Huston. Discover what you can do to get him back after the breakup.
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