New relationships start with so much excitement that, during the early days, it's tricky to imagine that a few weeks or months down the road, there will be such misunderstanding the relationship seems like it's heading for the rocks. Nevertheless this is the tale of so many intimate relationships that begin on a great footing but reach a road block that leaves each person standing at the crossroads wondering about whether they are destined for each other or are best to go in different directions.The fact is that headiness of the early days of any relationship has a cutoff point on them and if you can weather the changes, it can change for the better. But it always involves raised levels of communication. With yourself to understand the robust feelings that usually accompany these challenges, and with the other person who themselves incorporates their own story of what to expect.
Disagreements or fights typically arise because of variations in values, beliefs and expectancies. When a pair meet and start the dating process, the mood is light, exciting and full of chances of where this might go. Nevertheless any challenge to the tale we necessarily begin to tell ourselves about the other person and what relations should be like, gives rise to doubts and fears. Here is where a significant level of self-awareness becomes invaluable. Thus the saying "To truly get to know yourself, you have to know yourself first"
Do you quit out at the earliest sign that the other person's behavior is unacceptable and tell yourself that it is certainly a sign that all isn't well? Or do you ask and the other person some questions which might throw more light on what the other person is all about?
When feelings are high, it is often hard to marshal your thoughts and communicate them obviously to the other person. One thing for sure If your or the other person's reaction to something appears to be way out of proportion to the threat posed, this is almost actually a response to something aside from the presenting problem. The presenting problem has pushed a button that causes associated fears, stresses and storytelling that went with the primary experience.
But what do you do now when caught in the grip of a decision of whether the disagreement is a hint that this isn't the relationship for you or if this is simply a familiar trail you have travelled before and it's time to destroy the pattern? The answer I give all my clients is that to have great relations you must have a good relationship with yourself first. The genuine work has to be done inside yourself. So time spent understanding your reactions and principles about the fight and relationships in general is the best investment you can make for this relationship or any other one. Put down your expectancies and principles about relations and how this person or the situation influences how you view what is going on. As an example, if someone has an experience of folk cheating on them before, it's all too easy for them to make this assumption at the smallest proof of the other person being disloyal.
No matter what your story, it is your job to make meaning of what has happened to you now and the way in which the past is influencing your present. Only then can you start to make a few changes to break your link with the agony of the past and learn effective communication abilities to navigate new relations. Without the veil of unquestioned beliefs, perceptions and stories that are frequently not related to the person standing in front of you. You will naturally may require some training or counselling help to do this but it will be the best investment you have made the standard of your communication immediately matches the standard of all your personal interactions.
Disagreements or fights typically arise because of variations in values, beliefs and expectancies. When a pair meet and start the dating process, the mood is light, exciting and full of chances of where this might go. Nevertheless any challenge to the tale we necessarily begin to tell ourselves about the other person and what relations should be like, gives rise to doubts and fears. Here is where a significant level of self-awareness becomes invaluable. Thus the saying "To truly get to know yourself, you have to know yourself first"
Do you quit out at the earliest sign that the other person's behavior is unacceptable and tell yourself that it is certainly a sign that all isn't well? Or do you ask and the other person some questions which might throw more light on what the other person is all about?
When feelings are high, it is often hard to marshal your thoughts and communicate them obviously to the other person. One thing for sure If your or the other person's reaction to something appears to be way out of proportion to the threat posed, this is almost actually a response to something aside from the presenting problem. The presenting problem has pushed a button that causes associated fears, stresses and storytelling that went with the primary experience.
But what do you do now when caught in the grip of a decision of whether the disagreement is a hint that this isn't the relationship for you or if this is simply a familiar trail you have travelled before and it's time to destroy the pattern? The answer I give all my clients is that to have great relations you must have a good relationship with yourself first. The genuine work has to be done inside yourself. So time spent understanding your reactions and principles about the fight and relationships in general is the best investment you can make for this relationship or any other one. Put down your expectancies and principles about relations and how this person or the situation influences how you view what is going on. As an example, if someone has an experience of folk cheating on them before, it's all too easy for them to make this assumption at the smallest proof of the other person being disloyal.
No matter what your story, it is your job to make meaning of what has happened to you now and the way in which the past is influencing your present. Only then can you start to make a few changes to break your link with the agony of the past and learn effective communication abilities to navigate new relations. Without the veil of unquestioned beliefs, perceptions and stories that are frequently not related to the person standing in front of you. You will naturally may require some training or counselling help to do this but it will be the best investment you have made the standard of your communication immediately matches the standard of all your personal interactions.
About the Author:
Clare Mann is a best selling author and has just released Communicate: How To Say What Needs To Be Said, When It Needs To Be Said, In The Way It Needs To Be Said. For free video tips on improving your communication skills visit http://communicate31.com/7tips
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